Concluding Post

I want to thank everyone for their discussions and blogs these past eight weeks.  There were some good ideas shared and information to think about.  Communicating together about various topics has made the learning experience more interesting.  Good luck in the remaining courses.  We're almost done!

When a team comes to an end

       Other than work situations, I haven't been a part of too many groups so many of my team building has been with colleagues.  The hardest group for me to leave was at the last public school I taught in.  It was in the small town where I lived.  We had 3 classrooms of each grade level.  The 2 other teachers I worked with became my good friends as well as colleagues.  We discussed personal, as well as school related, topics.  Through the 4 years I taught with these ladies I learned so much about them as professionals as well as individuals.
      Because we were a small school, we always had going away parties for those who resigned or retired.  At my going away, I was presented with a beautiful bracelet one of my grade level colleagues had made for me that had the names of my three children on it.  It was a very special gift and one I will always treasure. 
      Sadly, I feel that adjourning this group of classmates will be a "goodbye" in a discussion or blog post.  Because this is a virtual community, I feel more disconnected than if we were in a physical classroom together.
       Adjourning is important to a team because during this time they can reflect on their experiences together.  This stage "provides the team the opportunity to say good-bye to each other and wish each other luck as they pursue their next endeavor" (Abudi, 2010, p. 4).  It allows for a time of celebration for the work accomplished and relationships built. 

Reference 
Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

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Conflict Resolution

I haven't encountered too many conflicts in my life, primarily because I choose not to engage in them.  I don't like confrontation and feel arguing solves nothing.  One incidence that couldn't be avoided, though, happened after my divorce.  I moved to another state to live with a friend who I had taught with previously.  She was a widow and opened her home to me.  I was very appreciative of her offer, but reluctant, because during the course of our 10+ years of friendship, I knew she had a lot of personal problems and had, at times, felt drained from trying to support her during her various difficulties.  A confrontation that led to my leaving would have been a good time to: 1) "Differentiate feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment" (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.), and 2) "differentiate observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us" (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.).  My friend was obviously going through another crises but because of what she was saying to me, I felt hurt and attacked.  I left, knowing that our friendship couldn't be repaired and was over.  
My question to my colleagues is, have you ever had to remove a relationship from your life that you felt was toxic to your thinking and the way you wanted to live your life?  Was it stressful to you?  Would you have done things differently knowing what you know now about communication?
Reference
The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

My Communication Assessments

I had my daughter and a male friend evaluate me for this assignment.  We all placed me in group 1 for listening style and in the moderate category for verbal aggressiveness.  I was surprised, though, that they both scored me with slightly higher communication anxiety than I did.  I suppose that is because they have never seen me speak in public and are possibly using their schemas to evaluate how I would do.  I feel quite comfortable talking in front of people but they are both 20+ years younger than me and have done little to no public speaking. 
An insight I gained this week is how accurate these assessments can be if a person is willing to answer the questions honestly.  Self-improvement is not possible if a person is not willing to evaluate themselves in an authentic way and take off their rose-colored glasses.  I think this goes hand-in-hand with our self-concept and self-esteem. It's good to see and value our strengths but they must come from an honest place.  Pretending to be something you're not can get exhausting.  In my professional life, if I don't know the answer to a question a parent or child has, or how to deal with a situation with a colleague or child, it won't do to just make something up.  I need to be open to finding out the right answer and relate it to the parent or child or for my own knowledge.  I don't pretend to know all the answers but I am more than willing to try and find one.
Another insight I learned this week is that my daughter and friend view me very similarly as I do.  Our scores were very close.  I think it is good feedback for anyone to have.  Knowing how others feel about our communication skills will help us be clearer when interacting with others.  It gives good information about areas we may need improvement in.  Personally and professionally, I can see that I am in a pretty good place when I am using any/all of the communication styles.  

Communication

I am fortunate to work on a college campus where diversity is everywhere.  The families that send their children to our lab school represent many countries.  I don't find, though, that I communicate any differently with them than I do with people from my culture.  Most of them have been in the United States for a while and many of the children have been born here.  With the exception of their accents, talking with them is very comfortable and the same as speaking with my own family.  I have been able to form a friendship with a graduate assistant in our department who is from Malaysia.  We have had many open conversations about her Muslim religion, my Christian religion, and our individual viewpoints on other topics.  I have not yet had any difficulty communicating with people from other cultures.

If I were to share three strategies to use in communicating with diverse individuals, I would continue to take or make opportunities where I could have conversations with the people I interact with.  I don't believe you can promote understanding and acceptance if an effort isn't made to know the people who are different than ourselves.  The second thing I would do do as much reading and research on other cultures as possible so a foundation of knowledge can be built in my mind.  During conversations with people from these cultures, questions can be asked to clarify cultural beliefs and/or practices and if the person you are speaking with adheres to them.  The last thing I would do is continually evaluate my attitudes towards other cultures.  If prejudice and discrimination come from fear, ignorance, or misunderstanding, then the only way to overcome those things is to gain more knowledge about different cultures.  Being open to the potential to learn about other people will widen my views of the world and make the world a little smaller place. 

Observing Communication

For this assignment, I watched an episode of Modern Family.  I haven't ever seen an episode of this show but have a friend who watches it so I decided to give it a try.  Some of the assumptions I made while I watched it were close to the actual way things were happening after watching it with the sound on but a few were not.  I figured out who was with who in a relationship, while the sound was off, but couldn't figure out how they all were related.  I figured out that part of the storyline was about an ex-boyfriend of one of the partners in a gay relationship but couldn't place which partner he was the ex of.  There were two children who I couldn't place with their parents.  I didn't have any idea why one of the women was upset during part of the show. 
It was easy to name the emotions the characters were feeling based on the nonverbal facial clues they were exhibiting, as well as the hand gestures they used.  The assumptions would have been a lot easier with a show I typically watch because knowledge of the relationship dynamics and past events of the show would be helpful in assuming how the characters were interacting with each other.  
An insight I would share with my classmates would be to remember that nonverbal cues are not always accurate.  Watching the show with the sound off, and not knowing how the characters were related or fit together, made it hard to know why one of the women characters was upset during the show.  I wrongly assumed she was angry because of a situation with an older man (I thought it was maybe her father) and a younger women that appeared to be his wife.  It turned out she was not angry but unsure how to tell her father she didn't want to work at his company, as he had asked her to do, and didn't want to disappoint him like she felt she had done several times while growing up.  Knowing details of a situation well helps an observer to be able to read communication cues more accurately.

Communication Behaviors

A person that I feel is an effective communicator is the administrator of our lab school.  Her communication style is direct without being offensive.  She speaks professionally no matter what she is dealing with in her duties and can also interact appropriately with the children.  She keeps eye contact with the person she is talking to, speaks loudly enough to be heard but does not shout, and when she speaks with staff, professors, practicum students, or undergraduate employees she presents a confident, knowledgeable image.  She also has a funny side and can present this personality effectively, also.

 I would like to incorporate some of my administrator's traits into how I speak to those I supervise.  Even though I am confident with the responsibilities of my job, and relaying that information to the practicum students who are in my room, it's not always easy for me to provide constructive criticism to a student on areas they need to work on or with colleagues I disagree with.  I am getting better as I get older, but I'm not there yet.